Understanding Grief

Supporting People in Grief

A major life event such as a significant loss is not a problem to be solved. It is an experience that must be endured.

There are no magic words or adequate actions to soothe a long-lasting hurt like grief. But here are a few suggestions for those who are willing to be present in the midst of another person's pain:

Gain an understanding of the grief process, particularly how very long and very unpredictable it may be.
Avoid offering pat answers like, "He is in a better place" or "God does not give us more than we can bear" or "I know how you feel" that minimize the grieving person's feelings.
Listen patiently to the person who is grieving say the same things over and over again. Most people need to speak repeatedly about the loss.
Be honest that you don't always know what to say, but assure the person that you truly want to be available
Be flexible about last minute cancellations of plans and don't expect too much socially or emotionally from the person who is grieving

Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better... And yet this is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again.

—Abraham Lincoln